Using AI To Predict the Future of Texas A&M Football

My quest is not yet over. Having now once eaten from the tree of knowledge, I yearn for another taste. Somewhere deep within my mind, there is a faint recognition that I am unsettled at how deeply I hunger for the machine’s words. Have I given myself over too deeply to the matrix?

As quickly as this thought enters my mind, it leaves. I cannot return to my previous self. I cannot un-make this new world in which I now live.

I type into the text box “please predict the 2023 Texas A&M football season.”

"As an AI language model, I cannot predict the future with certainty, and the outcomes of football games can be influenced by many factors such as team performance, injuries, and external factors. However, I can give you a general sense of how Texas A&M might perform based on their current roster, coaching staff, and recent performance. Please keep in mind that these are just predictions and not guarantees."

I now find joy even in these tepid disclaimers. I am truly transformed. My eyes dart back and forth on the screen as new text continues to generate, wresting forbidden knowledge from the ether and presenting it before me.

"New Mexico: Win at Miami: Loss ULM: Win Auburn: Win vs Arkansas (in Dallas): Win Alabama: Loss at Tennessee: Win South Carolina: Win at Ole Miss: Loss Mississippi State: Win Abilene Christian: Win at LSU: Loss"

I sit, wordless, filled with too many emotions to speak. It is as if I rode the roller coaster of an entire Texas A&M football season in a mere moment’s time. 8-4? I suppose that in some previous life, the man that I thought I was expected better for this upcoming season. But who was that man but ego and ignorance? What was his life but toil and travail? “Indeed, all was vanity and grasping for the wind, there was no profit under the sun.”

Questions continue to flash through my mind at a pace almost too quick to keep up with. I hesitate only out of fear that my greed for this knowledge could all-too-quickly censure my access to it. These waxen wings are my lifeline, and I therefore must be judicious in how closely I draw to the burning of the sun.

After what seems like hours, I once again allow my fingers to fly across the keyboard, entering one last query. I press enter and await with bated breath.

"Both Jimbo Fisher and Steve Sarkisian are highly regarded college football coaches with reputations as strong recruiters. Fisher has a proven track record of success in this area, having landed top-ranked recruiting classes at both Florida State and Texas A&M. Sarkisian has also had success as a recruiter, particularly during his time as an assistant coach at USC and Alabama. It’s difficult to definitively say whether one is a better recruiter than the other as recruiting success is often determined by a variety of factors, including a coach’s ability to build relationships with recruits and their families, their success on the field, and their program’s reputation. That being said, based on their respective histories and past successes, it’s fair to say that Fisher has a slightly stronger reputation as a recruiter than Sarkisian."

Flawless victory.