I feel like Jon Snow standing alone with his sword as the Bolton army races toward him. Here we are for the 11th time this season handing out three reasons why Texas A&M will lose its upcoming game and, while most weeks I have some statistics or trends to build my case, the tank is on empty this week.
The Aggies are playing Samford, a 1-10 program from the FCS, and are 54.5-point favorites at Kyle Field. The Bulldogs have thrown the most interceptions by any team at the FCS level, have given up 53 sacks on the year, and have lost each game by double digits. So instead of backing away from this challenge, let's let our imaginations run wild.
Here are three (questionably realistic) reasons why Texas A&M will do the unthinkable this Saturday and lose to the Samford Bulldogs— if that does happen, it would have to look something like this.
Mike Elko loses his key to the locker room
Don't you hate when you get to your car and realize your keys were left inside? I can't think of many things that cause my blood to boil more. In this instance, I imagine Mike Elko sat down in his car and realized his key to the locker room was left in yesterday's pants — with three flights of stairs standing between him and retrieving them.
I'm not a fitness guru, but even the healthiest and shape individuals would dread a three-flight trek just to grab a silly old key. Confident that someone was bound to have a spare, he forwent the journey upstairs and left to work keyless.
Much to his surprise, there was no spare. Apparently, Elko had the keys to the program well before he ever signed his lucrative contract extension. No key to the locker room? No pads. No pads? A tough day on the football field, no matter the opponent. Padless, shoeless, and helmetless, the Aggies not only fall to Samford in dramatic fashion — but take some devastating hits along the way.
Marcel Reed gets stuck trying to beat the traffic to his Heisman ceremony
That New York City traffic, man. You can never give yourself enough time to navigate through the country's most chaotic city, and, as you all can understand, Marcel Reed was not going to let some silly game against a school called Samford prevent him from the chance to hoist a Heisman trophy.
Now, I'm still very confident in the Aggies' ability to win this game without their starting quarterback. So let's just pretend that upon hearing the news that Reed was stuck in traffic they ventured out to make sure he got there on time — leaving the home sideline empty and forfeiting away their perfect season with it.
The team lost track of time watching a re-run of Georgia beating Texas 35-10 for the 50th time
Rivalries in the SEC — it just means more. Who hasn't lost track of time re-watching that thorough beating of Steve Sarkisian's group from last weekend? The fourth-down conversions, the onside kick, Arch Manning looking lost as he's sacked for the third time. I even submitted the game to be nominated for an Oscar.
As the team was trying to game-plan for its season finale, they couldn't help themselves from watching that outcome over and over again. So much so that they missed the opening kickoff! Once they realized what they had done it was already too late ... so they hit restart on the DVR to get a nice laugh just one more time.